A song for the single heart

 

I’ve been single for quite a few years. My last, and only real serious relationship, ended with very little flair. In the years since I have made no secret of my desire to remain the perennial bachelor, and other than a couple of awkward attempts to the contrary, my relationship status has remained exactly where I have planned for it to be.

And for the most part it’s been great! I can go and do anything I want without having to check with someone else. I can eat pizza for breakfast and cereal for dinner! I can spend all my free time doing whatever I want! And if I want to I can even leave the toilet seat up. (I don’t though. I grew up with four women in the house, some things can’t be unlearned)

However, I realize that being single for so long and meditating on it for years have given me are (what I hope) some important and insightful truths into the identity of singleness.

First of all, it’s not a bad thing.

As a single man I’ve realized, in no small part due to a friend, that I am best prepared to serve others right now. I have no commitments to speak of that would take precedence over serving people. (And if we’re being frank, serving and loving others is a commitment we make when we decide to follow Jesus. This is true regardless of your marital status.) So the impetus here is to simply take advantage of the time God has given us single folk to bless others with whatever gifts we have.

The next truth is where I get a little heated. Now it’s true that most every single person goes through extreme bouts of loneliness. The problem is how they are generally encouraged by people looking to ease their burden. They spout well meant statements like

“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone someday” Or “God has the perfect person set aside for you” 

But the hard truth is that none of those statements are guaranteed. Are they likely? Sure. But our priority should be about cultivating our relationship with Jesus over developing one with another person. Though perhaps it’s God’s plan for my life that I not marry. Perhaps he wants my heart set aside for other things. Like I said this is a hard truth, but a distinct possibility.

Our chief goal in life is not to check off all the things we’d like off some proverbial list. Our purpose is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

Does this mean we forget about the possibility of marriage altogether? No, of course not. Marriage is a fantastic thing. It’s the closest way we can experience how God is in relationship with us. Moreover God said in Genesis that man is not meant to be alone. That’s why he created Eve for Adam. However we shouldn’t limit that verse simply to marriage. The new believer is brought into a family of other believers. So as a Christian you’re not alone! You’re part of a colossal family that is the church.

So my call out for those looking to encourage single people in their loneliness, Don’t let affirmation of them or of better relational prospects be your first encouragement. They were already bought by Christ’s blood into a relationship more complete than marriage in this life.

My call to the singles struggling with loneliness is to remember your identity in Jesus. That your value was decided in time immemorial when God decided to sent his son to die to restore you relationship to him. And seriously, enjoy the opportunity to spend some quality time Jesus.